My resume to TV cont. – more dumb jokes

Above: My windshield wiper broke while I was driving, so I decided to just let the rain wash itself away.

Legislation in Washington DC has allowed same-sex couples to apply for marriage licenses. In related news, Republican congressmen are now sighing slightly more audibly when looking at their wives.

Apparently an Atheist group at a Texas university is giving away free porn in exchange for bibles, to illustrate that the bible contains objectionable material. A Christian group at the school is unphased, stating, “We’ve given away more free bibles in the last few days than ever before!”

I met a guy who said he wanted to be both President and Chief Justice of the United States. I said, “What are you, Taft?”

That joke was historical.

At a job interview I was asked if I was a strong negotiator. I told them I had no experience or other qualifications, so if they hired me I must be an effing expert.

Women are always complaining when I walk up behind them and massage their shoulders. I guess I’m a massagynist.

I once dated a woman who still subscribed to “Seventeen.” She had too many issues for me.

Think playing string instruments is hard? Try string theory instruments. Ever play a C sharp in the 10th dimension?